[感想]曖味的自省
有沒有一把尺，能夠清楚分開曖味的界限？
前一陣子被個同學從網路上看來的星座分析指著鼻子斥責，說在下我搞曖味第一名，若有似無眉來眼去不落人後。但我一直認為我很能夠把握普通朋友、莫逆之交、紅粉知己、親密愛人、燙手山芋之間，各是什麼樣子，應該如何對待。可是仔細想想，我不是一開始就懂的，而且，我還會故意踏在曖味的邊緣，讓人進也不是，退亦無步。
第一：我一向沒有道德觀念，我行我素，如果我有自己的想法，我就不愛遵循社會的規範做事。所以，我覺得只跟女生很好，只跟女生很親近，只跟女生聊天講心事，沒有什麼不對；因為有時候，男生只會出一張嘴（雖然我也是），所以跟男生講心裡的事，通常（很多時候）等於白講，還要承擔被恥笑的風險，我還沒這麼無聊到願意自己奉上全部內心世界然後只換來一句「喝啦喝啦，毛這麼多」。
第二：我的性向非常正常，即使每個人都有灰色地帶，然而我愛女色絕對大過於男色，無庸置疑。而且我很色，我也承認，雖然我不對女朋友以外的人踰距，但是自己的馬子，哪有不上下其手的道理。呃，扯遠了，反正所以就是，如果有的選，與其待在要好的男生朋友身邊，不如待在知我的女生朋友身邊，還來得愉快些。
第三：我覺得被喜歡是一件很愉快的事，而且是可以用爽來形容的。所以，如果聽到有人喜歡我，不論是親耳聽到，還是由他人轉述，我都會覺得很開心，當然，他人轉述有可能只是謠傳，在還沒證實以前，我不會太過自作多情，免的爽過了頭發現這全是一場幻覺。
第四：我始終相信，女人是用來疼的，所以，即使是普通朋友，我也會有某種程度上的關心或體貼。承第三點，所以，我會不經意地（其實是刻意），對特定的人比較好，當然也有可能也是我喜歡對方，也或許不是，但是就是會讓某一邊有一種奇怪的情愫產生，重點來了，這時候可能就變的曖味了，因為有一方，已經開始違背了朋友間所應該遵守的白線了。
第五：好吧，我承認，以前的我，會花心思在出去玩的活動中，讓女生掉入一個陷阱。這個陷阱不是什麼高明的技倆，不過就是些不經意（又是刻意）的肢體碰觸，還有一些看似驚喜的場面（比如買下100顆的氣球）或禮物（預先準備好的花束或項鍊之類），來讓這一切變的完美。而且，我以前是個口才很好的人，這樣講或許很臭屁，不過我就是會說些甜言蜜話，搞的女生心兒碰碰跳，眉兒上林梢。所以，如果順利的話，至此，這女生大概已經八成逃不出我的手掌心了，只是，我倒不一定是喜歡她的。
基於以上這些特點，在以前，我很容易可以掌握一個女生的想法，隨心所欲的叫她往東她不會往西，叫她滾蛋她不會黏踢踢。但是後來，我漸漸喪失了那樣辯才無礙的能力，我漸漸喪失能夠洞察他人的能力，我一直覺得這是懲罰，懲罰我這樣的不認真。或說，是種抑制，抑制我不會不斷的欠下感情債。
年紀稍大了一點後，我開始學會與女生保持距離，因為我不想再當個很油頭的人，而且，我也沒有那樣的機會，及誘因，再讓我變成那樣的一個人。此時，我心中已經清楚了下來，即使偶爾精腦了一下，也不會再故意去跨越那會讓人受盡委屈的邊界。至此，這把心中的尺，我認為已經是很完美的了。只是，有些信念還是存在，比如我還是沒什麼道德觀念，所以，旁人的眼中，還是覺得我是會跟女生搞曖味的，而我自己知道就好，我也懶的反駁了，不然，跟那種類宗教信仰道德感超重的人解釋一大堆，他們聽不下去也就算了，搞不好還會被強迫抓去淨身什麼的…
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